S I L E N C E

written canvass

2009-07-03T08:18:00.000-07:00

i paint my picture with my words

a canvass on a blank sheet

my medium is my pen

my inspiration is bliss

i draw from within

with words i cry out

letters put together

and my picture grows

clearer and clearer

an image of what i feel

a literature version of my thoughts

deep down to my heart

nonsense yes i know

i write them as they go

this page is non-stop

nothing is covered nothing concealed

every word that comes out, i bare it

it paints a picture from out of my head

the last touches i apply

a polish to this piece

may seem nothing to most

but to me it brings relief

to write brings me relief

2009-05-18T16:45:00.000-07:00

she watches him as he sleeps, still, calm, serene. his face leaned sideways, shows signs of stress from the work he's gone through, far from her. she smiles, recalling how she has looked up to this face multiple times, accompanied with different emotions. now she looks down on his sleeping state, filled with emotion still. drawing in every memoryof hapiness that she can, every bit of line she can memorize, not wanting to miss a single twitch of muscle or a flutter of the lashes. she will treasure all of this, all of the last 5 years, 1 month and 19 days. every bit of good and bad that they have experienced together. every laughter, every fight, every talk, every love-making. not a single detail would be slipped away for she will hold to these memories in the next days, the next months, the next years until the day arrives that she finds it in her heart to love as intensely as she loved him. she will love him, forever, for every day that arrives but not as he or she sees it, but as a love that will guide both of them to love others or, if their paths once again cross, love and appreciate each other more sincerely than ever.

~0~0~0~

baby,

i love you more than you ever know. more than what i show you. but as we age, i realize that love is not enough. love should be combined with other things for it to be whole. i have lost mine, my love is still there but i need to find the other things that work with love and make me whole again. i want you to experience the world. experience the love of others. experience what life has to offer. you can have all this without me by your side, we are both strong. we'll both make it. if ever we cross paths once again, and we are destined to be together. i would wholely say, take me i'm all yours.

for now, good bye love...

TO YOU

2009-05-06T03:42:00.000-07:00

to you, find out where you are and know what i gotta say:

TEETH: you annoying little prick, prancing your imaginary power and pathetic influence. i don't feel sorry for what you went through, nope, not at all. yes, sad i know but not everything is within your reach, especially your reach is just about a meter or less. phooey!

OLD HAG: trying to cover your a** so bad ey? tsk tsk tsk... keep hiding love, keep playing god but stop trying so hard to fit in cause no matter what you do, you don't have it in you. never had, never will.

BABE: as charming and as cute as that onscreen character your named after. you dont actually have a badbone on you and for the record i don't hate you and i don't want to get there but please, please, please let go of the imaginary world where it's all flowers and rainbows. the world out there is tough and if you don't toughen up yourself, you'll be tramped on by those who do. sweetheart, just be a bitch at least an hour a day, throw away that smile, cuss and hate. it'll make you feel better, trust me.

BABEII: grow up hun! geez! you'll never get laid with that.

PRETENTIOUS BITCH: you think right, straight and logical. hope you could at least be true and be you.

+5': i really dont know what to call you, your a nice person really. hope you could tone down the temper and if you can't, maybe direct it to something creative. look at me *wink*. just a tip, you don't become a boss and all popular getting mad and throwing fits. nobody is impressive that way. intimidation can only go so far. so better be more human and less of an animal when your temper's gone off. you'll keep the respect that way.

^_^: yes i know, life's tough and i'm impressed on how you handle it. but less talk more walk please.

POTTAH: please don't float your head too much on the air, it might detach. you are something alright but nope i ain't that into you. and i strongly think that my man can make me cum a lot more times than you can even convince me to sleep with you. your back ain't that worth it.

THE PPG'S & CO.: ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies... not everything is too good to be true and not everything can be claimed with the use of beauty cause yes even if you guys are beautiful, i tell you this. you should hear yourself talk! i mean damn! i know 6 y.o. kids who can pull an adult conversation and an intellectual one at that, without breaking a sweat. but on second thought, dont try so hard, your facade might break and all that make-up might melt from all that sweat breaking out just pulling up one high falluting word. save all that for sex talks, it might get you a chance to a marriage proposal.

FEMALE STICK FIGURE: you are as ugly and as lifeless as you look. and sorry hun, your IQ is as thin as you. i advise that you stop making side comments cause anything you say don,t make sense. save yourself from all this humiliation.

this dont stop here, there will be more. no, i'm not a coward for not facing up to these people and i dont hate them all that much, this just saves me from going over and telling them right to their face what i think of them. i'm human and yes i get upset but since i'm also a lady with substance, i also know when and where to strike. i'm good that way. :)

Your Voice

2009-04-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

Hearing your voice today brought back nostalgic feelings. I felt goosebumps all over me, my hair standing on end, not because of fright but because of the tingle you make me feel everytime I remember how your touch lands on my skin. This shortens my breath, my eyes closes and with my hands I feel the contours of your face and I meet your lips with mine. It’s strong, engaging, the kiss we share. For a moment, time stops and I know I only have you and you only have me. I call out to you and hold on as you take me higher to our own little sanctuary, where, just the two of us, enjoying every moment, every quiet time together.

I mentally create a picture of you with me, right here. I draw scenes from yesterdays that we spent together, from places that we’ve been to things that we’ve enjoyed. I anticipate every phone conversation with you. I listen to you and I melt with the sound of your voice. My breast rise and fall with every pronounced word, this thing with you, is like magic and has remained so for years. Like a puppet, you control what I feel, you play me at the palm of your hand. In all words said. You have, own, and control my feelings. In this I’m bound in your spell forever.

Do I wish to be away or far from you? Never! But this is already something beyond our control, something we no longer have a hold on. Until the time that you rejoin me in this sanctuary that we built together. I’ll enjoy every word said, every sound heard, every breath released by you from our conversations. I’m missing you so much it starting to hurt and shake me. Til the day that you return love, til that day. I’ll wait.

working with Earth

2009-03-28T05:34:00.000-07:00

CEBU, PHILIPPINES

03.28.09

5 minutes after the official start of Earth Hour Cebu, Philippines. My home is enveloped in darkness, some neighbors have turned off their lights and some remained on. This little significant act in saving energy by one time zone to the other may be a small step but is my contribution to Earth. I pray, even though it's late, people would join in this whole action. Let's encourage others to join.

Long live Earth!

For Power Freaks!

2009-03-09T12:51:00.000-07:00

Disgusting!

I’m very much upset but the sad part is, I can’t point it out on someone. I know things happen for a reason but at this time, reason cannot enter my thoughts. What I only see is red, anger, hatred. I have never been passionately mad at anyone as far as I remember but the events that lead me to be mad like this is just worth being angry about. If only I could do something to reverse it. Well, things happen for the love of power. In time people will realize that power is not everything, and what I lost is something that they may not even had, true friends.

Change

2009-02-24T02:45:00.000-08:00

A news changed my life, and I know that it’ll change me forever. It’s nothing I expected at this time or part of my life but it’s there. It’s inevitable. Eventually I know I’ll have to deal with it. It scares me but this part would come sooner or later and I’d have to deal with it. My relationship would never be the same again. Things would change. I get scared every time I think about it but it has to be dealt with maturely. I need strength, most of all I need all the support I could get. This won’t be an easy journey but it’ll be fun all the same.

Moving Forward

2009-02-23T03:12:00.000-08:00

I learned not to dwell on the past, that’s what I keep telling everyone. I learned to stop blaming others; it’s not going to improve my current status. There’s no behind, just forward. This is the thing that matters. The thing we all should look forward to. This is what I look forward to. Moving forward, this is what I’ll treasure.

2009-02-11T06:14:00.000-08:00

i had a pretty good talk with my friend Ed earlier over breakfast. I was able to let go on him thoughts of my current situation. I could never thank him enough for listening to me like that. It was a relief on my part. I actually realized that whatever i feel now is nothing compared to what others had gone through. They were still able to make it in one piece so why would i not be able to make it in mine? It seems i have not yet mastered the art of problem solving despite dealing with various math problems over 5 years in engineering school. Yes it is different from life problems and this is just a start, well at least I'm learning.

So anyway this one little tip my friend gave me in that great conversation we had is this, write down any problems, whether it's financial or whatever, writing it all down makes the problem more visible rather than just having it floating all over your head. I did it and it was a heck of a lot helpful. This is an age old advice, i know, and has been sold and resold but we always need a little push & reminder every now & then. I'm just caring to share. Try it, it helps.

new page, all mine

2009-02-03T20:33:00.000-08:00

I found a new home; here I can feel that I’m in control. I’d be forever thankful to multiply but mostly the posts there are about items people would like to sell online. I’m fine with that, this move is long overdue and I’m glad I did. Now the question, do I move my old post or start a fresh? Think, think, think…